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  “I lost you for a bit there. But I figured you probably came here. Looks like I know you quite well.” Ian stood in the center of the room, waiting for Simon to say something. Only half of the lights in the office were switched on, creating a haunting effect, and it was completely silent in the room.

  “I… I’m sorry,” was all Simon could manage.

  “Why did you freak out like that? What happened? Did I totally misread the signals?”

  “I… I just got scared. I couldn’t deal with it. With you acting like that towards me.”

  “I’ve wanted to do something like that for a long time. But I was the one who was scared, trying to hide from what I was really feeling.”

  Ian stepped closer to him then, standing only a few feet in front of him. “Don’t you see, Simon? There was always someone who made me want to be more than just the person my father wanted me to be. There was someone who made me want to be something I was always taught was wrong. But I don’t care anymore. I want you to know how I feel.”

  He took a single step closer to Simon. Simon felt weak then, like he was ready to faint. “I need to sit down for a second, Ian. I need to think about things.”

  “What’s there to think about? Are you telling me not to say what I want to say?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying. There are just other things involved. Other people.” Simon thought again of Margeaux’s threats and how she had told him that he would never be good enough for Ian.

  “There’s someone else?” Ian asked, dejected.

  “No!” Simon exclaimed, in a higher pitch than he intended. He cleared his throat. “No, there’s no one else. Not for me, at least.”

  “Then what’s wrong? Simon, I want to say it, please let me say it. Every time I push forward you pull away.” Ian turned around then, and whispered, “I can’t take it anymore.”

  Simon moved over and touched Ian’s arm. He wanted to say the right thing, but he didn’t know what that was. Here was Ian, ready to pour his heart out, and Simon couldn’t accept it because he was afraid of what would happen to them afterwards. He was afraid of the unknown.

  “Just give me some time,” Simon said, finally. “I just need to get my mind clear of this story. Then I can process everything. I just feel like my head is swimming. I got this threatening call from Dawid Cornelius a few minutes ago, and I’ve had a few glasses of wine, everything just feels…”

  “What? He called you? Tonight? What did he say? Are you okay?”

  Ian’s eyes again showed the concern and gentle care that they had always shown towards Simon. “I’m okay. I know he can do nothing to me once the story is out there. But he’s in a corner, and he sounded dangerous. I don’t know what he might try to do.”

  “You need to publish the story right now. You know it’s ready. You know you don’t need to wait another week. We can have it on the front page for this week’s edition if I give the go-ahead tonight.”

  “I can’t yet. I just need a bit more time to make sure everything’s perfect.”

  “Simon, at some point you just have to take the plunge. Everything won’t always be perfect. You won’t always be able to control every detail. You just need to do it at some point.”

  The words rung truer to Simon than ever. He wanted to be that person who could just follow his instincts, and let go of always overthinking things. He wanted to be the type of journalist that Ian was, and be the type of man that Ian deserved to be with. But he was neither of those things. He was just neurotic Simple Simon. He was still afraid of the consequences of diving into something he couldn’t control.

  “That’s not how I live my life, Ian. I can’t just do things because I feel like them. I need to consider the dangers, not just to myself, but also to the people I really care about. Everything doesn’t just miraculously work out with a happily-ever-after ending. This is real life, with real consequences, and these decisions could cost us a lot more than you think. I know you want me to just be reckless for a change. I know Olivia wants that for me. But that’s not who I am. There’s too much to think about.”

  “At a certain point, Simon, using your head so much will cost you the things you really want.” Ian’s face was hurt, and he walked towards the door. “Send me the final version of the story when it’s ready. I’ll see you, Northbrook.” He raised his hand and waved goodbye to Simon without turning to look at him.

  Simon sat down at his desk again. He felt empty.

  ***

  Simon walked home in a daze a few hours later, the quiet of campus serving as an echo chamber for his swirling thoughts. Students were getting ready for exams, and very few of them could be seen walking around campus that night. The only thought that was clear in his mind was the memory of Ian’s hurt expression. How could Simon allow himself to shut Ian down when he was trying to talk to him honestly?

  He arrived at his flat barely remembering that he had run out on Olivia’s engagement dinner. She was there already, sitting on the couch with some leftover pasta from Cafe Del Sol. She was watching her favorite reality television show again. “I saved you some in the fridge. And I took home some of the cheesecake too. Help yourself.”

  “I’m sorry for rushing out like that. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “I know what came over you, Simon. Honestly, I don’t know what I expected. This was an important night for me. I wanted you there. And I wanted to talk to you about something important.”

  “I’m really sorry, Liv. I know I was being a complete jackass.”

  “You were being selfish.”

  She was clearly a lot more upset than Simon had expected her to be. “I know. I’ve been selfish with everyone I care about. I’m finally starting to realize that. Especially after I probably chased Ian away for good now.”

  Olivia looked like she was still trying to punish Simon by being upset with him, but her curiosity was too strong. “What happened? I saw him running after you. It was all very romantic. I was more upset that neither of you came back to fill me in on what happened.”

  “I said some stupid things to him. He was about to pour his heart out to me. He chased after me, even when I ran away, and he was about to really open up. And all I could do was be a scared, pathetic, insecure child. I could just hear those words of Margeaux, telling me I’m not good enough for Ian. Telling me I’ll ruin Ian’s life if we end up together.”

  “She’s really good at what she does, I’ll give her that. And what she does is manipulate people to get what she wants. You know that, don’t you? You know that she’s jealous because she sees what everyone else sees between you and Ian.”

  Simon couldn’t help but frown. “No matter what Ian felt for me, I’ve ruined it all now. The way he looked at me when he walked away tonight. The constant barriers he’s had to face with me. I don’t think I’ll be hearing from him for a long time.”

  Olivia gave Simon a hug then. “Listen, I’ll forgive you for bolting from my dinner if you make me a promise.”

  “Anything for you, you know that.”

  “Okay, you need to promise me that you’ll make things right with Ian, and be honest with him, no matter what fears or insecurities you might have. Immediately. No excuses. You can’t keep going through this cycle with him.”

  Simon realized how many people he was hurting by constantly trying to control every situation to the point where he took no action at all. His self-preservation ended up being nothing more than self-sabotage. “You’re right, Liv. I should have listened to you months ago. I should have treated Ian so much better than I have. I’ve allowed this stupid insecurity to hurt you, Ian, and Zuko. I could have helped him a long time ago. I should have. And I allowed people like Margeaux and Dawid Cornelius to intimidate me. I don’t want to hide anymore.”

  He frowned, and asked Olivia, “Didn’t you say that you had something important to talk to me about?”

  “Oh. It’s a bit of a big deal. Or it doesn’t really have to be a big deal if we don’t l
et it be. I finally said yes to moving in with Justin. It’s time to get used to it now. But we can still see each other all the time! I’ll probably still be here with you a lot. Unless you get a completely obnoxious new roommate, in which case we’ll just see each other occasionally.” She tried to make light of the discussion that she was clearly dreading, and Simon sensed her apprehension.

  “I knew it was coming. I’ve been preparing myself for a while now. It’s time, you’re right. We’re both ready to take our lives to the next level. I’m happy for you, Liv.”

  Olivia squealed and hugged Simon, planting a kiss on his face. “I’m so excited! I finally get to decorate his flat. It’s so much bigger than ours. We’ll have to get extra copies of all of our favorite movies to keep at his place so that we don’t have to lug things up and down. It’s gonna be great.”

  Simon was happy that Olivia was moving forward with Justin and adjusting so well to the changes in her life. He knew that he would miss her. She had been his safety net since they were children. She was the one who had helped him to come to terms with being gay in high school. She was the one he could count on to listen to his endless rambling about boys. And she was the one who encouraged him to get closer with Ian. Without her, he wouldn’t be who he was. But despite realizing how much he would miss her, he also realized that everything she had helped him to learn made him ready to live without her. He was ready to be his own person and to finally take responsibility for his own happiness.

  “You know I’ll always love you. And we’ll probably see each other just as much. Poor Justin will be sick of me in no time. And you know what, since you’re making so many changes, it’s time for me to change some things too. I’m going to speak to Ian tomorrow and tell him everything. It’s time for me to grow up too.”

  “Good, it’s about time!” Olivia said. The two of them sat chatting on the couch for most of the night, excited about the big changes ahead for them. Simon was hardly able to sleep when he finally went to bed. He was excited to finally make himself vulnerable with Ian.

  Chapter 22

  Simon awoke the next morning, feeling anxious to see Ian. He had sent him a message that morning, asking if they could meet, but Ian had not responded yet. He could hardly concentrate during his early morning class, and wanted to get to the office as soon as he could to see if Ian was there.

  As he walked to the office, he checked his phone and saw four missed calls from Zuko. He would have to attend to those later, he thought; his focus was solely on seeing Ian as soon as possible. He reached the front of the Weekly’s offices, and he saw Dillon from sports coming out of the building. “Northbrook! Did you see the front page story? This is bound to cause quite a stir.”

  “Haven’t seen it yet, Dillon. I’ve been a bit distracted this morning. Which story got the front page this week?”

  “Check it out,” Dillon said, and handed Simon a copy of the paper that he was carrying under his arm. On the front page, with a huge headline, he read, Assault Allegations against VR’s Son. A picture of Dawid Cornelius and the residence where he lived was under the headline.

  “How did they… why is this in here already? I haven’t sent the final version yet.”

  “What are you talking about? Are you working on the same story? This one was written by Margeaux. Maybe your follow up can be in a future edition.” Dillon tried to make small talk, but Simon couldn’t focus on a word he was saying. His eyes went to the byline of the story: Margeaux Chamberlain. What was happening?

  Simon rushed into the offices, and saw Margeaux sitting on a desk drinking a glass of champagne, chatting with a few of the other Ridgemont Weekly journalists. “Yes, I think this is definitely one of the most hard-hitting stories we’ve ever done. I know it will be causing waves. I just thought, if we can’t tell the truth, fight the system, then we’re not a true news organization. I was doing this for our entire student body.”

  Tara, one of the subeditors, actually applauded at Margeaux’s obnoxious speech. Simon stomped towards her, his face red with anger, “What’s going on here, Margeaux? What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “Oh, Simon, why are you in such a state? You’re making a complete fool of yourself. Maybe we should talk in private.”

  The rest of the room went quiet, looking at Simon as if he were crazy. “The only one who’s making a fool of herself is you. Didn’t you think that you’d be found out for this? This is plagiarism!” Simon waved his copy of the weekly in her face, shouting at her in anger.

  “Simon, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wrote every word of that story. Sure, I relied on research of public records that were freely available, and I followed up on some interviews with leads I found from an unnamed source, but this is my story.”

  She was trying to find loopholes to explain away stealing Simon’s story, and it made him even angrier. “You stole that research from me! And those were my interviews! You can’t possibly expect to get away with this. Or that you’ll ever get to be editor now if you’re stealing stories.”

  Margeaux smiled mockingly, “Simon, unless you have proof, I wouldn’t be making such radical accusations. You’re really coming off as quite crazy. I think you need a holiday. Shouldn’t you be studying for exams or something? Maybe you should leave this to the real professionals.”

  Simon stormed out of the office. He was hardly able to see straight. How did she get hold of his research?

  His phone’s message tone went off then, and he saw that it was a text from Ian. Simon, I’m so sorry. Come over to my place and we can talk about it.

  Sorry? What was Ian talking about? Did he have something to do with Margeaux stealing his story?

  Against his better judgement, Simon proceeded to sit down on a bench outside and read the story. She had definitely used her own words, but all of the ideas were his. All of the information was from his research. There was nothing new or unique to the article. He could prove quite easily that she had stolen it from him by comparing it to some of his old drafts that he had emailed to Ian. She didn’t even seem to care. She must have just thought that Simon would lie down and take it from her.

  When he reached the final paragraph, his mouth was agape in shock. She had named Zuko as a source! She had said that he had taken a bribe to stay quiet about the story! There was no telling what the consequences would be for him now. That must have been why Zuko was trying to call Simon all morning.

  Simon was only a few blocks from the Weekly’s offices, and he saw Ian’s car pull up. He walked towards Ian, ready to lash out at him. “Ian!” he shouted at him as he approached.

  “Simon, I don’t know what to tell you. I know you’ve seen it. I just want to reassure you that…”

  “That what? How did this happen? You’re the editor! Why did you approve this paper for printing? Why did you let her steal my story and not stop her?”

  “I didn’t! I don’t know how this happened. She must have changed the files we sent to the printers at the last minute or something. I really have no idea how this happened. When I looked at the first copies this morning it was too late, it was already being sent to the distribution sites. I couldn’t get all of them back in time. I’m working on it right now, but most people have already read the paper.”

  “I can’t believe this. This was my story. You know what this meant to me. I trusted you to respect what I was trying to do by writing this story. Did you read it? She completely sold out Zuko at the end. Cornelius will be coming after him now, you can bet on that. I don’t understand how you could let this happen. Not with this story. You’re supposed to be in charge here.”

  “I’m so sorry, Simon. I feel terrible about it. You know I would never want to do anything to hurt you. You’re right. I should have made sure that this didn’t happen. I’ve been off my game.”

  Simon stormed off, with hot tears streaming down his face. He was sobbing loudly. Ian watched him walk away. He couldn’t believe that because of not being more dili
gent he had caused Simon so much pain. He walked into the office with purpose. He saw Margeaux laughing with the other journalists and drinking her champagne at her desk. He walked up to her, trying to remain as calm as he could even though his body was shaking with anger. “Margeaux, collect your things and get out of here. You’re fired. We’ll be writing a full explanation for our next edition.”

  “Ian, dear, you’re being irrational. I don’t know why you’re so angry about this.”

  “I’m not your dear. You’d be wise to leave now before I tell everyone here exactly what you did.”

  Margeaux stared at Ian incredulously. “You’re making a big mistake. You’ll realize that soon enough. I’ll come back when you calm down.” She put down her glass and grabbed her bag while walking to the door.

  “You’re finished here, Margeaux. Get the picture!”

  Ian realized how unprofessional he was being, embarrassing Margeaux in front of the entire office, but he didn’t care in that moment. She had hurt the one he cared for, and he wouldn’t stand for it. He tried to call Simon, but there was no answer. He finally sent him a text. I’m trying to make it right. I’ll keep working to make it right with you.

  Chapter 23

  Simon sat in a stupor on the couch at Olivia and Justin’s flat a few days later. She had finally moved all of her things into the new place, and no matter how bad Simon was feeling, he had to be there for his friend during this change. She brought him a cup of coffee, “New mugs! Don’t you love them, sailor?”

  He nodded and gave a weak smile. “Gorgeous,” he said. He was having constant pangs of regret about everything that had happened to him over the past few months. He remembered how he had caught Margeaux at his computer, and how he had noticed that some files were out of place. Of course she was stealing information from him. If he had just published the story when it was ready instead of trying to make it so perfect, he would never have given her the chance to steal his story.